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Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was told to “shut up” at the age of 5 by her school teacher.
She never spoke in class again, and rarely at home either.
She became known as the “shy” girl and the quietest kid in all of her classes.
The other kids at school would make fun of her because they didn’t understand why she didn’t speak, so she had a hard time making friends.
She was so afraid of speaking, that her knees would quake, her lower lip would quiver, and her face would turn bright red each time someone gave her attention or asked her a question. She felt embarrassed every time she had to speak.
She preferred to hide, to be invisible, to fade into the background, where no one would notice her or talk to her.
Sometimes, while sleeping, she would have magnificent dreams, where she would be singing with her mouth open wide and powerfull sound would be streaming out … and it felt sooo sooo good. In her dreams, it felt joyful, ecstatic, and pleasurable to sing .. Orgasmic even. She felt free…
In waking life, she believed that she could never sing like that.
She hid her voice most of her life… until her soul just couldn’t stand it any longer.
At 30 years old, she was told she had a thyroid auto-immune dis-ease… and that she would die if she didn’t go on medication for the rest of her life.
The idea of putting foreign substances in her body that she would have to depend on to live, didn’t feel good, so she walked out of the doctor’s office, to never look back, with determination to heal herself naturally.
A crystal bowl sound healer she met at a metaphysical fair, in a channelling state, told her that her throat chakra was blocked and that she needed to start vocal toning.
So Astaria hired a singing teacher, who came to her bedroom where she felt safe, and she started opening up her voice for the first time.
At first her voice felt very weak and she could barely make a sound.. It was quiet, crackly, and hoarse.
A life of never using her voice had caused it to atrophy. Her vocal chords were weak and her speaking voice hadn’t developed, so it had always sounded raspy.
Even though she felt discouraged and doubted that she’d ever be able to sing like she could in her dreams, she kept practicing… Her vision of singing powerfully and the sense of how good it felt, motivated her to continue.
She chose to learn songs from her favorite singers, because she loved their voices so much and wanted to emulate them.
At times she felt embarrassed and ashamed of her voice, disappointed in the way it sounded to her, and certainly didn’t want anyone to hear it, for fear that she would be judged as having an ugly voice.
One evening while walking amongst her favorite old growth trees in a forest far in the wilderness, she heard the Earth speak to her… “take off your shoes and your socks and walk barefoot upon me.”
The sun was setting, the temperature was cooling, and thinking she was crazy, she resisted the message this voice was sharing.
The message got louder and louder as she continued to walk, until finally she said “okay fine, I’ll take my boots off, but I’m keeping my socks with me since the soil is damp and cold and I’ll freeze if my feet get wet”
The voice got louder… “leave your socks and your boots behind.”
Listening to this voice and dropping into a bit of a trance state, the girl left her boots and socks behind.
She hadn’t taken but two steps further into the woods before she heard the voice say: “Now take off all of your clothes.”
It was getting dark and cold.
This was all starting to seem very strange, and an overwhelming energy came over her… she started to feel AFRAID.
“Spend the night alone here… with NOTHING”, the voice coaxed.
“What!? That’s totally insane! I’ll freeze to death! Besides, that’s absolutely unsafe and terrifying since there are cougars and bears that live in this forest!” the girl argued with the voice, speaking logically through her fear.
“You must learn how to work with the elements”, the voice said.
“What does that even mean?”… the girl had no idea what the ‘elements’ were.
“You must learn the ways of Nature, as She has important things for you to learn.”
Imagining herself freezing to death and being eaten alive by a cougar, the girl quickly gathered her boots and socks, running out of the forest with fear of ever returning.
Going back to her home in the city, the words of the forest lingered… she kept wondering what they meant and if she was somehow missing an opportunity by not following the voice.
Even though she was terrified, her curiosity told her to go back and follow through with what the voice had requested.
8 months later, in late spring. when the warmer weather was starting to arrive, she made her way back to this forest.
This time she came prepared… with bear spray, a knife, and a tent.
(Ok, so she didn’t completely listen to the directions to leave everything behind.)
She didn’t really tell anyone what she was up to or where she was going.. She simply left this quote on her social media page:
She stayed 4 days alone in this forest, exploring, frolicking, … and facing some of her most scariest fears, thinking she would die out there.
She spent her time in meditation, silently observing all of the detailed intricacies of ferns, stones, bark, moss, and various other plants and trees.
She sat by the river and contemplated the meaning of life and what it would be like to live alone in a forest like this for the rest of her life. She remembered the fantasies she had as a little girl, where she imagined living alone on an island with no other people, just animals, and beautiful wild nature.
She started a fire all by herself for the first time in her life, from the twigs and what pieces of wood she could forage.
She swam naked in the freezing cold river that flowed through the forest.
She climbed trees, hugged them, admired their majesty and when she began hearing their songs, she started to sing for the Earth.
These songs morphed into chanting, wailing, and warrior cries.
She let it ALL out… whatever sounds wanted to come through.
Her voice became stronger and stronger as she was belting out all kinds of noises.
Being all alone out in the forest, reassured her that no one was listening except for the trees and that she could safely share her wild and free voice.
On her final night in the forest, she started to feel really scared. She could hear the sounds of trucks racing and roaring up and down the logging roads in the distance.
“What if a bunch of guys who are drunk and partying find me out here all alone..?”
Her mind began to race with all kinds of horrific thoughts, ideas and graphic images. She thought for sure she would be assaulted and tortured, left for dead in the middle of nowhere.
The moment she figured for sure she wouldn’t make it out alive, that somehow the universe had called her out there to die a horrible death alone out in the forest, pink light started to pour through the palms of her hands, forming a dome around her. She began to sing and the light got brighter, enveloping her with an energy of peace.
Her thoughts began to transform into love.
“I’m not ready to die,” she said. “I’m here for a purpose” “I’m here to share my voice with the world, to sing for the Earth, to sing frequencies of Light and Harmony so that all beings may know joy and love”
“And besides, I care about myself waay too much to allow myself to be harmed in such brutal ways”
She instantly felt safer as her fear was transmuted into love.
2 years after the thyroid auto-immune diagnosis. She had lab tests done to prove that she had indeed freed herself.
To this day, she is a living miracle and proof that it is absolutely possible to heal ourselves naturally… and that our voice is our most powerful instrument.
Hashimotos is the name of a thyroid auto-immune disease, a ‘life-threatening’ diagnosis that I received back in 2014. At the time, there was no ‘cure’ for this mysterious illness and the doctors I consulted with told me that taking medication for the rest of my life was the only way to manage the symptoms I was experiencing.
Spirit guided me to say no to the drugs and to trust in my own body’s wisdom.
I honestly didn’t even know where the thyroid was located in my body or what function it served before all of this happened.
I soon discovered that the Thyroid is like a shield over the throat chakra, and it’s in the shape of a butterfly.
When I was quite young, I experienced sexual abuse that resulted in deep trauma. I learned that it wasn’t safe to be in my body and I was afraid to speak because I didn’t have the language to describe what was happening to me. Life seemed scary and I wound up putting on my invisibility cloak and hiding for most of my life, never to speak or make eye contact with anyone.
Just like when the imaginal cells in a caterpillar call for its transformation through the chrysalis, my body also called me into a death journey… one in which I had to let go of my protective shields and come out of my hiding place.
Changing the negative thoughts in my mind, shifting my lifestyle, choosing to walk a path that was more in alignment than the one I was told to follow, and starting to SING and free my voice were the ways in which I liberated myself from an inauthentic life.
My voice became the wings upon which I freed myself.
Hashimotos turned out to be my big ‘wake-up’ call and a deep Shamanic Initiation that catapulted me into the embodiment of my soul-purpose path.
My voice has since become my greatest source of pleasure and creative expression and I am so honored to hold space for others to free their voice too.
My journey continues to show me how powerfull our voice is and I have whole-heartedly embraced my role as a Voice Midwife, here to empower others to tune into their deepest truth and unveil their authentic expression through their own unique sound.
Your voice is your most powerfull instrument! And ALL of you is WELCOME HERE. In fact, the world needs your colourfull expression.